I was feelin' depressed, I was feelin' real low down
I felt so bad, I could not get my butt up off the grounds
I was mopin' around the house
I was bumpin' into walls
I was cryin' at the Andy Griffith show
And I was snappin' and the dog
I was startin' to fear for my sanity
I could not find my ego with both hands
So I decided professional help was the only hope for me
So I called up this number which I'd gotten of TV
They said, "Are you havin' marital problems
Are you emotionally impaired?
? Are you sure you're bein' followed
Or are you just scared of bein' scared?
Well if so you better come on in
Have a little talk with the doc"
So I did, I said doctor, good doctor, I got trouble on my mind
Listen to me doc I don't have too much time
I got a feelin' down inside me and it will not go away
You know it hangs on and bangs on my soul every day
Doctor, good doctor, I'm grabbin' at loose ends
And I haven't felt like I used to since I don't know when
Yesterday go past me today is all the same
And tomorrow really scares me I just can't play the game
He said, "Quit whining"
He said, "Straighten up and fly right"
He said, "Life is not a piece of cake"
He wanted to know if my insurance was paid up
Well, I'm okay, you're okay if the check's okay
Second best hundred dollars I ever spent
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